Being Openly Gay in a Catholic Institution

Like most high school seniors who graduated in Spring 2016, I applied to colleges in the Fall of 2015 then impatiently and excitedly waited for their admissions decision. My high school best friend Kelcie and I were set by February that we were going to attend the University of Nevada Las Vegas (UNLV) together. 

Then one February evening, I received an email from a school called Saint Martin's University. The subject read, "FREE Application! Apply Today!" I did not think more of this email nor even think twice about it. Based on the name, I could tell it was a private Catholic school, which only meant it was too expensive. But I applied anyway because I thought "another school and scholarships for the graduation slideshow." So I filled out the application and went to bed.

The next day, I received an email from the Dean of Enrollment, Dr. Pamela Holsinger-Fuchs. She talked about how excited she was that I applied and told me the other documents I needed to submit to complete my application packet. So excited that the Dean emailed me, I went ahead and sent all the documents their way. Soon, I was accepted, and the rest is history...literally.

College Decision Day May 1st was quickly approaching. But in the latter part of April, I was in constant communication with Saint Martin's to see if it was the place for me. Every time I learned something new about the University, I fell more and more in love with it. Then my high school college readiness counselor Mrs. Scudder and I were chatting, and she told me that they were coming down for a college conference and should schedule to meet with them. So I emailed them right away, and we set up a meeting.

Our meeting was one week out, and we had prom the weekend before. At my senior prom, I wore a black mermaid gown with sheer long sleeves. My nails were painted gel black French tips. My date was a male, and my face had make-up on it. Everyone at my high school knew I was gay. But after the prom was over, I thought, "will the Catholic school accept me after this?" or "what if they found out I wore a dress to prom? Will they take back my admission?" I posted pictures, and I was shocked to still be admitted at Saint Martin's University.

At home, my mom was hesitant about letting me go to Saint Martin's. Even if we practiced Catholicism, we also knew how the church can be towards the LGBTQ+ community. Moreover, we have not visited the school, and she has never been to Washington. I, too, was hesitant because I have already met the stares from my fellow Catholics and other Christians who knew or could tell I was gay. I did not have the easiest time at church because I always felt I had to be different and put a facade every Sunday or every time I stepped foot on Church grounds. But I persisted because it was time with my family, and I knew and really believe that God loves me. I share more about this in the post: Faithful and Gay.

The night before I met with Kacie & Dr. Pam, I asked God to give me a clear sign that Saint Martin's is the place for me. So I searched up "Saint Martin's University," and the Saint Martin's Abbey page popped up. So I clicked on it, curious about their religious community, and Abbot Neal's welcome message was the first thing I saw. His message read that they as a community believe that "all are to be welcomed as Christ." It made me smile and made me think that I will be okay and that I will be accepted. 

Still unsure, I met with Kacie & Dr. Pam at the Ala Moana Hotel. Prom was just two days ago, so my nails were still painted, and I made sure to wear a button-up and pants that were not too tight, afraid I will get judged, or my admissions offer rescinded. At our meeting, they told me about Saint Martin's: the community, the faith life, the classes, the professors, and the many exciting things I would enjoy as a Saint. I remember hiding my fingernails from their sight during our meeting because they're from a Catholic School. But I also remember their warmth and hospitality. They were so kind and so welcoming that I felt comfortable enough to unravel my fingers and openly have my nails out in the open. I'm glad I went to that meeting because it really supported the Abbot's message of hospitality and that ALL are welcomed as Christ. Later that night, I made my deposit to Saint Martin's University and claimed my "Sainthood!"

August 2016, I finally stepped foot on campus and met so many people who were so hospitable and so kind. My mom and I walked up the stairs of Old Main and were met with the Sacred Heart of Jesus statue. His right hand extended out. A rush of emotions entered my body, and I remember telling my mom at that moment, "this is it... I'm home." We walked over to the residence halls, Astrid, someone who became a mentor and friend met me at the front desk and said, "Oh! You're M-C Erl? I heard so much about you! Pam has told me so many great things!" I introduced myself as Mc Erl, and she said, "that's how you say it? We were trying to figure it out for so long!" And I felt comfortable. For a moment, I felt at ease with being away from home and knew I will be in good hands. That same day, I met Father Peter, a monk of Saint Martin's Abbey, Assistant Director of Campus Ministry, and University Chaplain. I had mentioned to Dr. Pam many times that I was interested in serving at the church. So she got us connected, and I learned about how I could serve. He welcomed me to ministry with open arms and informed me of ways to use my gifts and talents to serve God and our faith community.

Throughout my first year as a Saint, I became heavily involved in many activities. I was a cheerleader, member of Hui `o Hawai`i (Hawai`i Club) and other clubs on campus. As a cheerleader, I knew I wanted to wear a uniform that wasn’t so bulky on me. I wanted it to be fitted and wear shorts because it was what I was comfortable with. Male cheerleaders wore pants, but I wanted to wear shorts because it was easiest for me to jump, cheer, fly, and dance. Luckily, my coach was super supportive and allowed me to wear shorts and a fitted top. Through the Hawai`i Club, I was allowed to dance in women's dances if I wanted to. 

Then, my sophomore year, I was the Senator of Arts & Sciences in the Associated Students of Saint Martin's University. In this role, I worked with all students because the College of Arts & Sciences included the "General Education" and pre-requisite classes that students needed before moving into their upper-division courses. Part of my job was to attend Board of Trustee meetings as a student representative and vote on initiatives that directly affected our student population. At these meetings and dinners, we wore business attire and formal clothes: button-ups, slacks, formal dresses, etc. I was starting to wear dresses at that time; I did not wear them often. Before I attended my first meeting, we had an info session to explain what to expect as most of us were new. After the meeting, I asked my advisor, who was also present at the meeting, "Can I wear a dress to these meetings?" I asked because I recognized that while I was out, open, and proud of who I am, I still attended a private Catholic Institution. I have not met the Board of Trustees at that time and wanted the inside scoops. With a huge sigh, she said, "I hate to be telling you this because I support you and want you to be your most authentic self. So I am not going to tell you yes or no, but instead, I will tell you to read the room after your first meeting." Not the answer I was expecting; in fact, I don't know what answer I was expecting. But after I sat on her words, that was the perfect answer to my question. It wasn't that she did not want me to be myself or did not want me to live my authentic truth; she protected me from a possible backfire. I may have been the first student leader who was open and occasionally wore dresses and heels. So at every meeting, I wore slacks, a button-up, and a blazer.

That same year around the same time, I started as a Sacristan. That means I was basically the right-hand of the Chaplain and assisted the Office of Campus Ministry in any faith activities and events. After meeting the Campus Ministry Staff, Angela Carlin, Director of Campus Ministry, pulled me to the side and said, "I observed that you like to wear feminine clothing and dresses. I want you to know that I, including Father Peter, support you and have your back." That was huge. I was shocked that the Director of Campus Ministry and faith life of a Catholic Institution said that to me. I was floored and blessed to have held the position for five years living my most authentic self.

So many others, in their own ways, have shown me true-Benedictine hospitality. From the monks on campus to faculty and staff, alumni, members of the Board of Trustees, friends of the University and even President and First Lady Heynderickx. I am not saying that the life of an LGBTQ+ person is wonderful at Saint Martin's because I think my story and experiences are unique. I feel that people's experiences differ person-to-person, and my story should not be considered true for all. This is also not to say that Saint Martin's is perfect because, like anything, nothing and no one is perfect. However, I am excited to watch my Alma Mater continue to grow and internally transform to better serve its students. I am blessed to have been a part of many conversations of institutional transformation. I hope to have voiced out reasonable concerns I have heard from my peers. However, there is a lot more work to be done to expand the Diversity, Equity, and Inclusion initiatives and practices on campus. For example, there is a need for additional staff members in the Diversity Equity Center to support the wide variety of folx and identities on campus. The second is integrating courses and readings that mirror the experiences of our diverse student population. Finally, the University should continue to be a part of or initiating hard conversations that bring people to the table. By doing so, we show what we stand for and what our identity is as an institution, whatever that may be. These are three of my suggestions and hopes, but I do not speak for all. I am sure that many others have suggestions for better practices only for the good of our community. 

If there is one thing I learned, it's that transformations are challenging. Institutional changes are complex. But with the right amount of hospitality and love, it is possible and doable. As we continue to learn, grow, and transform, may we follow our patron saint, Saint Benedict's command to listen with the ear of our hearts. Thank you, Saint Martin's, for showing me, a queer person, hospitality, and love. May we continue to also do that for others who may not feel it.

Until Next Time,

M.